Convention

"Oh, Come on! It's not that hard to believe!" Zim's antennae twitched under his wig. It seemed the Dib was trying to get the other dumb human worm babies to believe him about some Bigfeets or another again.

He frowned at the human, who was currently kicking the curb dejectedly and mumbling, running his hand through his hair.

Zim twitched his antennae to try and hear him better. "Really, don't know why I. . ." The rest of his words faded into non existence as the boy sat down on the curb and put his head in his hands.

Zim frowned. It was pathetic really, he didn't understand WHY the human even bothered with his "peers." They obviously wouldn't know an invader if they took over their planet! Or any of the other. . .things the human was interested in. He almost felt sorry for him.

A buzz from his Pak.

Only almost, of course.

He frowned. There was something weird about that thought.

WAIT! OTHER things! Others things meant things OTHER than ZIM! He squinted. Why was the Dib bothering trying to convince his pathetic human classmates about things OTHER than ZIM! THOSE THINGS weren't trying to take over his planet! UNACCEPTABLE! He would not be showed up by Bigfeets again!

He growled and marched over to the Dib. "Really, I don't see why you even try to convince them of your weird human parasocial things!" He said flippantly.

"Paranormal." Dib huffed and glared at Zim. "But yeah, sure. Whatever Zim, I'm not about to stop trying to expose you just because you think it's stupid!" He said. "Now leave me alone. I don't feel like a fight right now"

Zim growled, how DARE he! Ignoring ZIM! And all because of some human filths' stupid words! The Dib looked. . .sad. It wasn't right, something deep in his squeedly-sqooch said. It was. . .

A buzz from his Pak.

It was stupid! The Dib was HIS enemy! Only ZIM could make him sad! No human worm babies were allowed to mess with HIS nemesis! "I wasn't speaking of the greatness that is ZIM!" He huffed, really, had he said anything about himself? No. No he had not.

Dib looked up at him and frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"I am speaking of your OTHER Super-Whatever creatures. You keep trying to convince the humans of their "realness" and now you're upset, in your pathetic human way, that they did not believe you! Even though it happens EVERY TIME!" He put his hands on his hips and his nose in the air. "Humans are stupid!"

Dib wrinkled up his nose like he smelled something bad, "Wow Zim, You know. That wasn't even what I was upset about this time, so now I feel worse, thanks." He clenched his fists in his jacket and glared at the invader, body tensed.

Zim sniffed, "What ELSE could you be upset about then! Obviously it is that and you are just being very 'Dib' about it!"

Dib suddenly growled and stood up "You KNOW WHAT!" He yelled, "MAYBE it's because I'm the only person on the friggin' planet without any friends!" He advanced into Zim's personal space, and the Invader backed up a step. "I mean-REALLY! MAYBE THAT'S WHY!" he put his face in front of Zim's nose and Zim squeaked. "Even YOU managed to make a friend! Which you didn't even CARE about until you overheard someone say something about how INHUMAN it is!" He swung his arms out in front of him, Zim scrambling back to avoid being clocked in the face. "MAYBE I'm upset that the ALIEN is more human than me! You ever think of that!"

Zim's Pak whirred, trying to catch up to all the words that had just come out of the human's mouth. Well. That was. Something.

He was brought out of his shock at the Dib huffing and shaking his head. "Oh never mind. It's not like you'd understand something like not fitting in. you're an alien."

Zim frowned. Rude human! Of course he understood something like that! "Do not presume to speak of what knowledge I possess, Dib-thing." Just because he was the best Invader NOW didn't mean he'd NEVER had troubles because of. Well. His height. He could certainly relate to-

A buzz from his Pak.

Well. There was an OBVIOUS solution here. "If you care SO much about what those pathetic HUMANS think, then just stop talking about those things and PRETEND to be a normal DISGUSTING worm baby!" REALLY. Stupid, Simple humans. Never thinking of the easy solutions. Like just not thinking about things that upset you or your great leaders!

Dib laughed, then flopped onto his back onto the curb. "Yeah. Yeah no. I'm pretty sure 'normal' stopped being an option the moment I was born." He sighed.

"I don't think I'd be able to pull it off anyhow. Those kids are like sharks, waiting for one drop of 'freak' to hit the water so they can ostracize you for something you have no control over."

He growled and pulled at his hair. "And I hate it! One wrong move and you're labeled something less than human! It's not fair! Just because I can't follow their stupid unwritten rules doesn't mean I'm not human!"

Rules? Zim squinted. "I have not heard of these 'rules'" he said. How could he have missed something so important? They must have been hiding things from him!

Dib waved his arm around weakly from his place on the ground. "Yeah you know like. . .like eye contact! You're supposed to make eye contact when you talk to people, but no one ever TELLS you that. You're just supposed to-like! infer it somehow!"

Was the Dib joking? Or trying to trick him somehow? "Humans don't LIKE extended eye contact. They run from it like a squeel beast. I've done much research on the subject."

Dib laughed. "Yeah, that's the worst part! It's not CONSISTENT! Too MUCH and you're considered freakish, but too LITTLE and you're rude at best!" He sighed. "You know, you'd think I'd of learned to work the system by now, but I'm just as confused by most of it as when I first walked into a psychiatrist's office."

"You went to a human brain doctor?" That was! It was. . .annoying. That he didn't know that. "What for! Why was I not informed!"

Dib leaned on his elbows and looked up at him with his brow furrowed. "I mean. . .it didn't seem like important information to give my enemy? Not sure how it works on Irk, but we don't tell that kind of stuff to people who are trying to kill us."

Zim hissed "That. . . .is also how it works on Irk." But the Dib still should have told him! He should know everything about the Dib! Because-!

A buzz from his Pak.

Because he is ZIM! and he should be told everything! Because he is great! And it seemed that Dib STILL didn't intend to tell him!

Zim hissed. "Well? Remedy this! Tell Zim now!"

Dib rolled his eyes. "I swear, how old are you, five?" He sighed, and flopped back down. "It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience for me you know? Let's just say there's a reason I never really trusted the skool psychiatrists." He stopped, apparantly content to leave it at that.

Unfortunatly for him, Zim was not content. "Well?" he said.

Dib squinted at him. "Wait, do you. . .actually want to know?" He paused for an awkward moment, as if waiting for a response. Zim wouldn't give him one, he already asked gave his commands.

"Well uh. . .alright I guess? I mean, it's not like you can use this against me, everyone at skool already knows." He frowned, apparantly unsure of where to start. "When I was like--around 5? My dad was. . .'Concerned' about," Read, driven out of his mind by. "my obsession with the paranormal. Back then I was even more intense about it than I am now, believe it or not." He chuckled. "I mean, I was five. Why should I care about anything that WASN'T the one thing I cared about, you know?" He looked up at Zim, perhaps to judge his reaction to the story so far. Zim simply made a 'go on' gesture with his hand, so he continued.

"So yeah, apparently that kind of thing wasn't considered 'normal' by the psychiatrists. By the time we left I was given an Autism diagnosis and an appointment to what THEY called therapy but what I called "governmentally approved brainwashing." He stopped and looked at the alien. He looked almost relieved to be sharing this with someone else, even if it was his enemy.

As he should! Everyone should be happy to share their past with him! ESPECIALLY Dib!

His Pak buzzed.

Because they are enemies, and you should know everything about your enemies. He squinted at Dib "That doesn't seem to be all, continue. What is this brainwashing?"

Dib blinked, apparantly surprised that the invader was still there listening. "Um, right well. It was just- They tried to get me to act like everyone else." He shrugged. "That's generally what 'brainwashing' means you know. They weren't exactly nice about it." He laughed breathily. "They kept saying stuff about how people would be able to 'tell' I wasn't 'normal' if I didn't do everything they said."

His nose wrinkled. "That wasn't like, the worst of it in hindsight, but it was what my five year old self focused on the most." He looked up at Zim again, a slight smile on his face. "I thought they meant people would think I wasn't human." He laughed. "I mean, I guess I was right, huh?"

Zim crossed his arms and hummed as he processed the information Dib had given him. So the humans had tried to brainwash the Dib, and had failed.

Well of course they had failed! Dib was HIS nemesis! Only the best stinky human was a match for ZIM! But Dib didn't seem to believe that. He squinted at the boy, one eyebrow raised. He even seemed to believe that he WASN'T the most exemplary example of his pitiful species! Well, that wouldn't do! His human had to be the best! Because HE was the best, and only the best human was a suitible enemy for ZIM!

He pointed at Dib, glaring at him. "Silence your PITIFUL wimpering! It doesn't matter what those other worm babies think of the Dib! For you ARE a DISUSTING human! You are the most pitiful worm baby out of all the other worms on this planet! You are the only human who is ZIM'S nemisis! Which means you are the best human monkey! So stop thinking you don't act like one of them NOW! Because I said you are. And I am great, which means I'm always right about these things!"

Dib blinked several times, his mouth opening and closing as he processed the words from Zim's monolouge. "Are you. . .encouraging me?" He asked incredulously.

Zim's Pak buzzed and he scoffed, nose in the air and eyes closed. "Of course not! I would never encourage my enemies. I am simply stating facts." He opened one eye, unable to resist the urge to ask. "Do you understand?"

Dib stared at him for a few seconds, then nodded, seemingly coming to a conclusion. "I. . .yeah." He smiled.

"Yeah I think I do." He said, laughing. "Thanks Zim."